Movie Review: Roadhouse
“Take it outside.”
This is perhaps my favourite movie of all time. No, I’m not joking. Patrick Swayze hasn’t made a lot of action films and most of the few he has have been big steaming piles of crap. Not so with Roadhouse!
Story
Swayze plays Dalton, the “best cooler in the business” who single-handedly cleans up the roughest, toughest, meanest, gayest clubs and bars across America.
Frank Tilghman, is the owner of the Double Duece in Jasper Missouri, the kind of bar where “they sweep up the eyeballs at closing.” He needs to toughest cooler in the business and hires Dalton to attempt the impossible by working closely with the existing team of bouncers to clean the shithole up.
After being injured on his first night on the job, Dalton visits the hospital and is stitched up by the attractive Doctor Clay. CHEMISTRY. The pair fall in love over the course of the film and obviously end up together, let’s get that plot strand out the way right now. The entire town of Jasper is under the control of Brad Wesley, who bullies the local townspeople into paying his illegal taxes for the operation of their businesses.
Dalton doesn”t like that kind of shit and quickly sets about cleaning up not just the bar, but the entire town as he regularly comes across Wesley”s henchman, usually fucking them up in the process.
When the going gets tough, Dalton brings in his old buddy Wade Garrett, (playing by Sam Fucking Elliot, AWESOME) and together they kick some more ass. To cut it short, Dalton kills Wesley’s head henchman, do Wesley kills Garrett, so Dalton kills Wesley. Fucking A.
It’s all hilariously rednecktastic and the script’s fantastic.
Dalton; “All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it”s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.”
9.5/10
Action
There’s not much death as such, in this film, but there’s sure a helluva lot of beat-downs. Pretty much half the film is just a bar-room brawl and Swayze dispatches numerous foes with hard-hitting kung-fu justice.
The bad guys even drive around in a monster-truck, running over shit. In the penultimate battle between Dalton and Wesley”s head badguy, Dalton kicks the crap out the guy then rips out his fucking throat!
Acting
I was too busy staring at Swayze’s mullet as he practised naked kung-fu in the garden to pay attention to the acting, but if the action and story are anything to go by, it”s got to be top-notch!
Overall
Roadhouse is mullet-tastic and a fine addition to any movie collection.Best. Movie. Ever
9.7/10