Intro

“The Killer” represents all that is cool about Hong-Kong action films of the late 80′s and early 90′s. It’s directed by action maestro John Woo and stars familar face Chow-Yun Fat, the king of gunplay.

The premise is simple and familiar if you’ve seen Woo’s other films like “Hard-Boiled”, or “A Better Tomorrow”. Take one cop, one criminal and a common and numerous enemy and throw in a shitload of guns and explosions. It’s an idea still being rehashed constantly in modern Hollywood actions pictures like “Exit Wounds”.

Story

As the back of the box says, “The Killer” is “a literal landmark in modern Action-Cinema” and Woo’s love of two-fisted gunplay and gratuitous use of slow-mo has inspired countless computer games like “Max Payne” and a number of huge mainsteam films like “The Matrix”.

Chow Yun Fat plays Jeff, (at least in the dubbed version), a professional hitman who is taking on one last job to finance the eye operation, of singer Jennie, whom he accidentally blinded during a botched assassination attempted inside a club.

Jeff teams up with an obsessive cop whom he slowly befriends (when they’re not trying to kill each other), and together they take on the mutual enemy of a large criminal organisation led by a maniacal villian whom Jeff must kill to collect the reward to finance Jennie’s operation.

It’s really a movie about the bonds of brotherhood and loyalty though and explores deeply the developing relationship between the two men.

6/10

Action

As a “landmark” action picture you’d be right to expect a seriously high bodycount and you won’t be disappointed as our two heroes blast threir way through countless foe, dispatching them all with ruthless efficiency and although the majority of deaths are run of the mill shootings, there is just so much death that the bodycount grows almost to the point of ridiculousness.

The final battle, in which our two leading men barricade themselves within in a church with a bag full of guns is extended and violent to the point of absurdity as enemy after enemy after enemy is mowed down as soon as they cross the thresh-hold!

It’s one hell of an action movie and an inspiration to more than a decade of action cinema which followed.

10/10

Acting

As far as Hong Kong films go, which I find on the whole tend to contain a lot of shitty acting, “The Killer” is fairly competent as a study of complex relationships in high-stress situations.

Or at least some crap like that, in reality it’s a fairly solid buddy movie and Chow Yun Fat tackles the piece with the kind of conviction we’ve come to expect from him.

7.5/10

Overall

The Killer might not have the best story or wonderful acting, but holy batman a crapload of people sure get shot!

7.8/10

Another Marvel film? Yes. Another superhero? Not exactly. He’s just a guy, no superpowers whatsoever, but isn’t that the same for all the best action heroes.

Driven by the anger and pain of having his entire family massacred at the hands of a criminal gang. Frank Castle’s life is now devoted to ending those of all the murderers/rapists/gangsters he can shake an M16 at.

If you’re already familiar with the comics, which I’m not really, you may expect the dude in the blue skin-tight suit who made his first appearance in “Amazing Spider-Man” issue 129, but it’s not him. What you get is a more realistic man with dark but every-day clothes and extensive U.S. Marine [Sea Air Land, Underwater Demolition Team and Long Range Patrol] and F.B.I. training as his ‘powers’.

So instead of webs & laser eyes, his weapons are an arsenal of guns, blades, explosives, industrial tools etc. Which isn’t a problem for action junkies like myself. His standard weapons of choice include the good old M16 [.223 caliber], a Sterling Mark 69mm, 34-round clip fed, semi-automatic rifle converted to automatic fire, a 14-round, 9mm Browning Llama automatic pistol, a Government issue .45 caliber automatic frame re-chambered for 9mm ammunition with a replaceable barrel to convert it to .223 caliber ammunition, and a 4-shot derringer in .223 caliber. All this conveniently allows him to only need to keep two ammunition types on him, he has a big kick-ass bow and arrow thing too. When it comes to killing he’s a bit of an artist, in the climax of the film he turns an entire car park into his skull insignia by blowing up cars ‘Big Art Attack’ style.

The t-shirt is the one thing that makes him like other comic book heroes, it’s his ‘costume’ and I liked it so much, I bought one for myself. In my opinion it looks cool and is indeed pretty “intense”. My own theory for why he wears it is that his reason are probably similar to that of Mel Gibson’s character in “The Patriot” for melting down his murdered son’s toy soldiers to make bullets to kill the man that did it. The shirt was a gift given to Frank by his son soon before he was brutally slaughtered along with his mother, so wearing it when he guns down various goons probably gives him more of a feeling that he’s avenging his boy.

To me, a film with that kind of material to base it’s plot on is something to get excited about, but there were things that could have been improved on. Most of the characters were not deep enough and it failed to deliver as much action and violence as I would have preferred. Even though women and children get peppered with bullets in one part of it, you see little blood. Then again, there is no film that meets my perfect action and violence level requirements. They could also have done the fight scenes and gun battles a bit more stylishly, like John Woo would have.

It’s not revenge, it’s punishment!

8/10

“Gekitotsu! Satsujin ken”

Perhaps the most violent martial arts movie ever made.

Intro

Perhaps you’ve never heard of Sonny Chiba. Perhaps your only knowledge of “The Streetfighter” relates to the 90′s arcade game featuring Ryu, Ken and Guile.

But Sonny Chiba does exist, and so does his 1974 masterpiece of violence, “Gekitotsu! Satsujin ken”, or “The Streetfighter”. This is a bad film. A very bad film, but don’t get me wrong, it’s bad in a good way. There’s no particularly coherent story to speak of and the dialogue at times appears to make little sense. But that’s not really the point of this film. The point of this film is that Sonny Chiba is a very hard man who likes to bust heads.

Story

Takuma Tsurugi is a tough, mercenary, master of martial arts. When an important business magnate dies, leaving billions to his daughter, the Mafia and Yakuza try to hire Tsurugi to kidnap the daughter. When they refuse to meet his exorbitant price, then try to kill him to conceal their secret plans, he promptly offers his services to protect her. Much ultra-violent martial-arts fighting action, as expected, ensues. This also includes a subplot of a family’s bloodfeud with Tsurugi over a disputed debt.

To give you an idea of how badass this guy is, at the start of the film Tsurugi rescues a guy from prison by faking his death using his ninja move of “delayed asphyxia”. When the convict’s brother and sister (who paid Tsurugi to do the deed”, can’t pay up, he throws the brother out the window so his head explodes, then sells the sister into sex slavery for 3 million yen!

5.0/10

Action

Lets get one thing straight. This is the only category in which Streetfighter excels. Fuck it, this is the only category in which any of the movies I review excel! When I watch a DVD I want to see Guns, I want Kung Fu, Car Chases, Ninjas and stupid dialogue. I also want inventive deaths.

Chiba rips a guy’s balls off!

In this film you get all that and more!

Perhaps 80% of the budget was spent of fake blood and it sure doesn’t go to waste. If anyone falls more than three feet their heads explode. Noses break, people vomit blood when their kicked, gunshots spray the red stuff over walls and wounds pour out blood following crazy ninja death moves!

This is just before Chiba throws the dude out the window. “No ticket Motherfucker!”

Most of the action is in the way of fist-fights, but not just average fist-fights. Where Sonny Chiba excels is in crazy ninja death moves, like ripping people’s necks or sticking fingers in their eyes, shit, he even crushes a guy’s skull and we get to see an x-ray camera angle of it happening.

He doesn’t just kick people, like Lee or Van Damme would, he kicks them against walls and holds them there until they start coughing blood or drop dead. Noone escapes the on-screen carnage even if they beg for mercy, heck the ones that beg get it even worse!

ACTION OF THE HIGHEST GRADE!

9.0/10

Acting

Clearly a bit shit. But Chiba makes some cool ninja noises with his mouth. Kinda like “huuushaaaa” and shit like that.

2.0/10

Overall

If I add the scores in each category then divide by three we’d get 5.3, not a great score for Sonny Chiba’s action extravaganza. But I mean c’mon, he actually ripped the guys balls off!

8.5/10

Intro

Written and directed by Chris McQuarrie, writer of “The Usual Suspects”, “The Way of the Gun” is more than your regular action picture. There’s a coherent, deep and intruiging script, multi-faceted characters and a good plot.

It’s like Pulp Fiction, but with with more guns.

Speaking of intros, this film has perhaps the most foul-mouthed intro ever seen in a mainstream film. Here’s a taster;

“Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!”

“Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass of the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!”

“Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!”

“Raving Bitch: You’re gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend’s gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he’s fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I’m gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!”

“Bar Patron: Go ahead.”

“Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He’s gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He’s not even gay but he’ll do it just to fuck…”

“Bar Patron: Honey honey. She’s got a big mouth but she’s not kidding. I’m gonna whip you silly and I’m gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.”

Story

Ryan Phillippe and Benicio Bel Toro play Parker and Longbaugh, a couple of two-bit hoods who visit a fertility clinic to sell their sperm when down on their luck. Whilst there they learn about a surrogate mother to a rich husband and wife couple and formulate the plan of kidnapping her to hold to ransom.

Parker and Longbaugh are particularly sleazy and unlikeable, a pair of anti-heroes in the truest sense of the word. They get more than they bargained for when abducting pregnant mother Juliette Lewis and are pursued all the way to the border by a couple of borderline-psychopathic bodyguards who’ll stop at nothing to bring back their employers ‘property’.

There are twists, turns and one hell of a supporting cast. “The Way of the Gun” feels a bit like a Tarantino flick, but with all the flashy, trashy crap trimmed off the sides.

9.5/10

Action

For a film which such an engaging and enjoyable story, “Way of the Gun” sure packs one hell of a punch in the action stakes. Boasting the loudest gunshots ever committed to film, it delivers the kind of shoot-outs on a scale the title implies.

The final set-piece is particularly fantastic, like some twisted orchestra of mayhem set in a Mexican hotel which reminded me heavily of the final scenes in “The Wild Bunch.”

There’s shotguns, Israeli assault rifles and a shitload of handguns all being put to great use as extras are blown away with suitable conviction.

Pretty fucking wild!

8/10

Acting

This film has action of a higher caliber than most of the other films I review. Frankly I bought it because I had heard it had “the loudest gunshots committed to film”, as mentioned earlier, but “Way of the Gun” is much more than a foul-mouthed, pistol-whipping action epic, it’s got a solid story and great cast to fall back on during the quieter moments and you’re as eager to see where the characters are heading as you are to see them pull those pistols.

I thought Ryan Phillippe was the prince of gay teen rom-coms… clearly I was wrong.

9/10

Jackie goes dark!

Intro

He’s Jackie Chan, you all know him well. For those who don’t, Jackie Chan is what you get when you cross Bruce Lee with a ninja chimpanzee. I’ll admit I’m a big Jackie Chan fan, I’ve seen a lot of his films, from the fantastic “Police Story”, to the dire “Rumble in Hong Kong”. You usually know what to expect from a Chan flick, kung-fu, generic characters and slapstick gymnastics action.

Story

Prepare to be surprised as Crime Story departs immediately from the usual JC formula and instead tells the true life story of how troubled cop Eddie Chan (JC), attempts to solve the complex kidnapping of large Hong Kong business man “Wong”, fighting police corruption all the way.

This is a real about-face for JC, and the film centres more around the story and less upon the action than in his other films as Eddie Chan races to save the kidnap victim and uncover his partner’s connection with the whole fiasco.

7.5/10

Action

Although Crime Story contains less of the usual slapstick action comedy we’re used to in a JC film, when the fights do happen, they’re brutal, hard-hitting and grandiose as Jackie unleashes his reportiore of high-flying kung fu kicks and flips. He might not be fighting in a giant wind-tunnel, or on the roof of a moving train, but bad-guys are still thrown through windows, off roofs, kicked down stairs, shot, stabbed and even kicked through large neon signs and electrocuted. It’s also notable that JC also uses guns more in this film than in most of his other films. With any generic hollywood hero, I’d have scored the film a little higher in this category, but c’mon, it’s a Jackie Chan film and I was expecting a little more in the way of kick-ass stunts. t”s still a great action movie however and it’s interesting to see Jackie kicking ass in a darker than usual way, at one point setting a bad guy on fire, leaving him to roll and scream for a few minutes before shooting him dead and screaming;

“YOU CAN SHUT UP TOO!”

Acting

JC shows us what he’s really capable of in Crime Story, portraying Eddie Chan”s troubled cop with startling conviction. You can really feel his anger and frustration as he battles beauracracy and corruption in his race against time to locate and save the kidnapped Wong.

I’m gonna score Crime Story pretty high here, because it almost makes me wish Jackie could have tackled more serious roles like this just a little more often during his long career in the action business.

8.0/10

Overall

A really good film overall, and stands up to criticism better than a lot of JC”s other films because it”s not just good because of the ass-kicking. There’s also a half-decent story and a bit of character-acting beneath all the violence.

7.5/10

“Warriors, come out to plaaaaay!”

Intro

I originally assumed this movie was a serious picture regarding American gang violence in the late 70′s. But I was wrong… “dead wrong.”
Walter Hill’s 1979 masterpiece is more like “West Side Story” with attitude! Let’s get something straight. I love this film. SittingBull loves this film. Bart even loves this film. It”s an absolute classic! It’s perhaps even better than Roadhouse!!!1

Story

A small gang based in Coney Island, the Warriors, travel deep into the Bronx to attend a gang-meeting hosted by Cyrus, leader of the largest gang in all of New York. When Cyrus is shot dead, the murder is wrongly pinned on the Warriors, who must now escape back to their own turf on Coney Island whilst every gang in the city is out looking for their blood!
Along the way, the Warriors are forced to march through various turfs and bash some heads as they seek the quickest way back to Coney.

There’s really a very varied selection of gangs, like the “Hi-Hats”, a group of knife-toting mimes, or the “Baseball furies”, a collection of face-painted bat-wielding crazies! It’s all maybe a little camp, but the edgey dialogue and wry humour makes “The Warriors” a real dark horse.

“Yeah, that’s right, Warriors. Just keep walkin”. Real tough muthas, ain’t ya? You guys don’t show me much. Why don’t you dickheads just walk all the way back home, huh?”

10/10

Action

Heads are busted as the Warriors march right through the territories of the other “lame fucks”, making their way home and although there”s not a high bodycount, all the gang-fights are handled really well and there”s a real sense of chaos as the warriors battle against the other varied gangs with all manner of improvised weaponry.

“We”re not going to change who we are just because some whore shakes her ass.”

9/10

Acting

Everyone gets into the swing of things really well and although the characters are fairly one-sided, the dialogue is great and the exchanges between characters always sounds groovy and hip, rather than wooden and forced.\n\nDavid Patrick Kelly puts in an especially crazy performance as Luther, leader of the Destroyers…

“Warriors… come out to plaaaayyyaayyyy!”

8/10

Overall

A fantastically crazy and unique film which instead of trying to explain gang violence instead glorifies it for the masses. I could watch “The Warriors” again and again and never tire of it. Then go play the computer game too, which I should mention also fucking rocks!

“What”s the matter… going faggot?”

9/10

“Take it outside.”

This is perhaps my favourite movie of all time. No, I’m not joking. Patrick Swayze hasn’t made a lot of action films and most of the few he has have been big steaming piles of crap. Not so with Roadhouse!

Story

Swayze plays Dalton, the “best cooler in the business” who single-handedly cleans up the roughest, toughest, meanest, gayest clubs and bars across America.

Frank Tilghman, is the owner of the Double Duece in Jasper Missouri, the kind of bar where “they sweep up the eyeballs at closing.” He needs to toughest cooler in the business and hires Dalton to attempt the impossible by working closely with the existing team of bouncers to clean the shithole up.

After being injured on his first night on the job, Dalton visits the hospital and is stitched up by the attractive Doctor Clay. CHEMISTRY. The pair fall in love over the course of the film and obviously end up together, let’s get that plot strand out the way right now. The entire town of Jasper is under the control of Brad Wesley, who bullies the local townspeople into paying his illegal taxes for the operation of their businesses.

Dalton doesn”t like that kind of shit and quickly sets about cleaning up not just the bar, but the entire town as he regularly comes across Wesley”s henchman, usually fucking them up in the process.

When the going gets tough, Dalton brings in his old buddy Wade Garrett, (playing by Sam Fucking Elliot, AWESOME) and together they kick some more ass. To cut it short, Dalton kills Wesley’s head henchman, do Wesley kills Garrett, so Dalton kills Wesley. Fucking A.

It’s all hilariously rednecktastic and the script’s fantastic.

Dalton; “All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it”s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.”

9.5/10

Action

There’s not much death as such, in this film, but there’s sure a helluva lot of beat-downs. Pretty much half the film is just a bar-room brawl and Swayze dispatches numerous foes with hard-hitting kung-fu justice.

The bad guys even drive around in a monster-truck, running over shit. In the penultimate battle between Dalton and Wesley”s head badguy, Dalton kicks the crap out the guy then rips out his fucking throat!

Acting

I was too busy staring at Swayze’s mullet as he practised naked kung-fu in the garden to pay attention to the acting, but if the action and story are anything to go by, it”s got to be top-notch!

Overall

Roadhouse is mullet-tastic and a fine addition to any movie collection.Best. Movie. Ever

9.7/10

“The terror starts the moment he stops.”

Intro

Rutger Hauer is one scary mother-fucker!

Story

Thomas Howell plays Jim Halsey, a young student driving a rental car cross country through the American desert. One rainy night he stops to pick up a mysterious hitch-hiker named John Ryder (Rutger Hauer), who soon makes Halsey’s life a living nightmare as he reveals his homocidal tendencies. Halsey only just manages to escape with his life, tearing off into the night, but the game has just begun and it looks like the Hitcher will stop at nothing to hunt Halsey down, no matter who or what gets in his way.

Framed for murder by the Hitcher, Halsey joins forces with a local girl named Nash (Jennifer Jason Leigh) who helps him escape from both the Hitcher and now the entire County Police Department.

The whole thing goes from scary, to ridiculous back to downright scary over the course of the film as the Hitcher kills again and again and again and again.Overall though, the Hitcher is a fairly simple cat and mouse thriller which does little to bring anything new to the table of an already crowded sub-genre of horror movies.6/10

Action

As far as horror movies go, the Hitcher has a surprisingly high body count as anyone who gets in the Hitcher”s way is mown down or blown away both painfully and violently. Most of the deaths are either gunshot or automobile related, but it never gets old watching Rutger Hauer shoot down a police helicopter from inside a moving pick-up using only a police-issue revolver! There’s carnage galore and even a couple of novelty deaths, including a scene where Jim”s short lived love interest, Nash, is tied to the back of a truck and then ripped in half by the crazed Hitcher as he toys with a terrified Jim.

7.5/10

Acting

“The Hitcher” really sits on the fence between mainstream and B-movie material and although none of the supporting characters are notable in their performances, Howell does as he is required, going through the acting range of horrified, terrified and mortified with certain conviction. The real star of the show is Rutger Hauer however, who pretty much excels at the psycho-killer role and really seems to take pleasure in blowing away innocent civilians and running down police-officers.

8/10

Overall

An enjoyable horror-action picture with a predictable but entertaining storyline and a high number of mundane but enjoyable killings.

John Ryder: That guy back there, the one we just passed. The guy who picked me up before you did.
Jim Halsey: That was him in there?
John Ryder: Sure it was. He couldn’t have walked very far.
Jim Halsey: Why’s that?
John Ryder: Because I cut off his legs… and his arms… and his Head. And I’m going to do the same to you.

7.1/10